


you know I want to be the one who hold you in your sleep

by fanficloverme96



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, F/M, Fluff, Louis' first anything, M/M, louis and harry were friends since childhood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-20
Updated: 2014-01-20
Packaged: 2018-01-09 09:27:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1144330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanficloverme96/pseuds/fanficloverme96
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis' had his first crush, first kiss, first time and first time he's truly in love like any other person would.</p><p>His childhood friend, Harry Styles isn't any of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you know I want to be the one who hold you in your sleep

**Author's Note:**

> Listen to Happily acoustic version, yet? Louis' voice was my inspiration.

Louis’s first crush had been a girl with strawberry blonde hair and a killer smile.

He was ten, and very much in love.

The girl’s name was Amanda Barrymore and she shared most of Louis’ classes in his elementary school. Pretty, stunning and charismatic, it wasn’t so long until Louis was one of her admirers. It had been an innocent thing – nothing more than shy glances directed towards her way and secret love notes- which texts had been directly from the Internet – being slipped into her locker.

He talked to her approximately five times, and four of those times had been simple hello’s and once was to ask about a project Amanda forgot to bring which earned the both of them detention. Louis didn’t mind, though. Detention with Amanda might as well a very good dream come true to him.

“Mate…do you like? Still remember that…um, Barrymore girl?” Harry slurs, very drunk after his and Louis’ night out at a bar. It is Louis’s 23rd birthday and Harry just turned 21 and he graciously invites the former to celebrate and what better way to celebrate than to drown yourself in alcohol or at least, that’s what Harry’s logic says.

Louis answers with a hum and glazed gaze and Harry quirks a smile before draping an arm around Louis’ shoulder. His breath smells like bad brandy and Cheetos and he’s swaying on his feet. No one told Louis that Harry can’t hold his liquor well. Then again, this is Harry’s first time drinking alcohol.

“I heard...” Harry drawls, giggling a bit as he presses his cheek against Louis’, “She got…married. Like, a year ago.” He laughs again. “God, don’t you have like…the biggest crush on her once upon a time?”

“I was ten, Hazza. Let it go,” says Louis.

Harry hiccups and nuzzles Louis’ neck. “I remember you tellin’ me she smells like sunshine.” He giggles and snorts and giggles some more. “You’re a creepy ten-year-old, Lou.”

“And you’re drunk as shit, Harry,” Louis answers and hooks an arms around Harry’s own shoulders to steady him. “We’re going home.”

Harry agrees with a non-committal grunt and the two of them make their way towards a taxi stand. Half an hour and two times Harry vomits into a bucket later, Louis tucks Harry into bed. Harry instinctively reaches for the pillow and hugs it like a lifeline. Two minutes later, he’s snoring.

Louis sighs, more fond than anything.

He sits on the mattress, drawing his knees to his chest and watches Harry as he sleeps. “Sunshine…hm…” Harry mumbles in his sleep five minutes later. His grip on the pillow tightens. “You smell…like sunshine, Lou.”

Louis half-smiles.

Amanda did smell like sunshine. Her sunny composition and presence always seem to be able to light up the room whenever she’s around. It’s one of the main reason ten-year-old Louis had a crush on her in the first place. But the crush lasted no longer than a year. It ended pretty tragically in Louis’ point of view.

Amanda moved schools and promised to email and call and she did. For the first three times.

Then, Louis never heard from her again.

Something grips Louis’s wrist and it feels warm to the touch. Louis looks down and sees Harry’s hand wrapped around his left wrist, the boy himself still asleep and snoring. The blissful smile never leaves his face. He mumbles some more before burying his face into the pillow, his grip on Louis’s wrist never loosening.

It feels nice.

Louis leans back against the headboard. He listens to the soft ticking of the clock hanging on the wall and to the Harry’s soft breathing. The room is quiet and being this close to Harry, he leans in and buries his nose into Harry’s curly hair.

He smells like alcohol and shampoo.

But above all,

Harry smells like sunshine.

* * *

 

*

Louis’s first kiss had been a guy named Daniel.

He was nineteen and a freshman at college and eager to please.

The seniors were holding a welcoming party in the dorms and a mutual friend of a mutual friend had invited Louis along. So very eager to fit in and experience ‘new, exciting life lessons’ or so Harry’s sister had eloquently described it two weeks ago over dinner with the Styles, Louis agreed.

The party was a blur of music and dancing and awkward conversations that Louis only half-remembered and the highlight of the whole event was the spin the bottle game. One of the girls- a pretty senior named Becca who wore giant bows in her blue-highlighted hair- had suggested it and after a few whistles and catcalls, Louis found himself sitting in a circle, holding his breath as he waited for the bottle to stop spinning.

It landed squarely on him.

The one who had spun it was Daniel Smythe, a third-year student with floppy brown hair and warm green eyes and cheekbones that could cut glass.

“Well,” Daniel drawls, eyeing Louis, “Lucky me, I suppose.”

Louis swallowed and he barely had time to process anything before Daniel leaned in and kissed Louis squarely on the lips.

The kiss had meant to be nothing more than a chaste peck, but at the age of nineteen, Louis’ body was practically made out of pure hormones and the next thing he knew, he had Daniel’s tongue in his mouth as he tried to breathe.

It was Susan, a friend of Daniel’s with blonde hair and too much eyeliner, who finally pulled the two of them apart. Louis’ cheeks were flushed and Daniel simply raised an eyebrow, looking amused more than anything. It was pretty much known that Daniel’s bi, and no one in the dorm was particularly homophobic aside from Bryan, who didn’t even bother to attend the party, but that didn’t comfort Louis.

He wished the ground would swallow him up.

“The kiss tasted like alcohol?” Harry asked through the phone and Louis could hear loud music in the background and Gemma screaming at Harry to turn that ‘awful music that sounds like dying whales’ the fuck down.

“We were drinking…a bit,” Louis amended quickly after the admission, “And don’t you have finals to study for? What’s with the racket?”

“It helps me concentrate!” Harry protested, “Keeps me from falling asleep.” Louis heard the sound of the bed creaking and the music being turned off. “So…like, did you enjoy it? The kiss, I mean,” Harry clarified after a pause.

Louis flushed again, grateful that he’s alone in the room for the night. His own roommate went home due to food poisoning. “Yeah, well…It wasn’t…it wasn’t _bad_ or anything.”

“Wasn’t bad or anything,” Harry repeated, his tone heavy with sarcasm, “I suppose you’d know. Not like that was your first kiss or anything.”

“Shut _up_ ,” Louis hissed.

Harry laughed and Louis smiled, taking it in. Harry’s laughter was one of the things he enjoyed hearing. It’s warm and happy. Like the first rays of sunshine in spring.

“Right, anyway,” Harry said after a while, “Need to get back to studying. Finals and all.” He groaned at the last part and Louis’s grin grew wider in the darkness of his room.

“Break a leg, Haz.”

“Blow me a kiss of good luck, won’t you, Lou?” Harry asked teasingly. The boy was still laughing when Louis hung up on him, his cheeks flushing bright red at the mention of kissing.

What would it be like? Louis wondered that night, to kiss Harry.

* * *

 

*

Louis’s first time was rushed and awkward and he cried like a baby afterwards.

It didn’t hurt, not by much, anyway. But it was with someone Louis barely knew and he only did it because he was desperate to lose his virginity.

The boy had been 20. And being a virgin 20-year-old guy was embarrassing to him.

It had been a guy named Paul, an Art History major student and they met through a mutual friend. They met up exactly twice and on their second ‘date’, Louis was drunk on caffeine and stressed out due to exams and he was so fucking wound up and he just-

Said it. Said that he was nothing more than a ‘pathetic excuse of a guy who couldn’t even lose his virginity.’

Louis wasn’t sure how but no more than half an hour later, Paul had him pinned down on the bed and was kissing him so hard that Louis’ lips bruised. And the thing is, Louis just let him. He let Paul kiss him and suck him off and yeah it was good and Louis may have moaned like a whore and came twice before Paul even did much, but the thing is,

In the end,

It didn’t feel like much.

When they were done and Paul rolled off him before going into the bathroom to shower, Louis lay on the bed and stared at the ceiling.

Then, he cried.

He went home that weekend and spent it at the Styles. Harry had just recently graduated and spent most of his time looking at college applications and was busy with his new part-time job at a bakery that sold Harry’s favorite blueberry buns. But even in the midst of all this, he still managed to notice Louis’ sullen mood and pestered him about it.

It was 2 a.m. Monday morning and Louis had five hours till classes start when Louis finally told him.

Harry didn’t say much.

After two minutes that seemed to last forever, Harry shifted from his position on the bed, crawled over to Louis’ makeshift one on the floor and pulled him into a hug. All without saying a single word.

Louis cried again.

* * *

 

*

The first time Louis fell in love, it had been with a girl named Sarah.

Sarah was a cousin of a friend of a friend and long story short, Louis met her through online dating.

“Online dating,” Harry had said, sarcastically and rolling his eyes as he worked on his college assignment while Louis paced around the room.

“It’s true love, Haz,” Louis had insisted because it was. Sarah made him laugh and he enjoyed spending time with her and she’s like sunshine and –

Louis’s just really in love, okay?

“I just hope you know what you’re doing,” Harry said with a sigh, “Now come over here and help me out. Calculus will be the death of me, I’m sure it will.”

He really is in love, Louis clarified and insisted many times over and Harry rolled his eyes each time and half-smiled but he didn’t protest much, even at some point helping Louis pick a bouquet of roses for him to give to Sarah on their second date.

Sarah had loved him, and Louis loved Sarah. But also, Harry. He was grateful to him, after all.

But Sarah…in the end, their entire relationship lasted no more than two months. Sarah had been offered a scholarship to study in the states and Louis had been happy for her, _proud_ even, and they promised to keep in touch during their tearful parting at the train station.

But in the end, Sarah’s like another Amanda. Their correspondence consisted of two letters and a phone call. Louis never heard from her again, after that. Not until one day when Louis received a text message saying that they should see other people.

Louis felt nothing after that.

“Lou?” Harry called out hesitantly one night, a week after Louis and Sarah’s unceremonious break-up. Louis’ college room was dim and Harry could barely make out the dark shape of a figure huddling against the wall. The only source of light in the room was the screen of Louis’ old battered laptop.

It had a picture of Sarah as its wallpaper.

“Lou, people are asking about you,” said Harry, quietly walking into the room, “You haven’t eaten any dinner yet.”

“’m not hungry,” came the muffled reply.

“Louis.”

“Go away, Harry. I’m not in the mood.”

Harry let out a breath and strode over to the bed. He sat on the mattress and reached out to touch Louis’ shoulder carefully before wrapping an arm around them. Louis let him.

Harry said nothing, He didn’t have to.

Louis’ shoulders were shaking.

* * *

 

*

The first time Louis was falling,

No one was there.

Not Amanda, not Daniel, not Paul, not Sarah.

But Harry was. Every single time. He had seen him at his worse. He had seen him cry countless of times. He had seen him break trophies in his room after his breakup with Sarah. He had seen him huddled up in the corner, hating the world. He had seen it all.

And he never left. He collected all the broken pieces of him and he tried to glue them back together, even if they never quite fit the same way again.

“What are you thinking about?” Louis murmurs late one night, tracing the sparrow tattoos on Harry’s chest. He is twenty-eight that year and Harry is three days away from his twenty-sixth birthday. Their shared bedroom is quiet. Linda is sleeping soundly in her room two doors away. The silent baby monitor proved that.

Harry smiles, his teeth showing. “That I love you,” he whispers like he’s telling a secret.

They kiss, slow and sweet and Louis feels something warm settling in his chest. It feels nice. It feels right.

“I love you, too,” he replies.

Harry might not be his first anything, but he will be his last.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wrote this in the midst of all the twitter drama yesterday. Well, I finished it, anyway. I started on it way before then. 
> 
> I'm sure y'all have heard that Harry underscore Styles changed his "Things I can't" tattoo to a book tattoo and I spent several hours in shock because that was his Larry tattoo, y'know?
> 
> And then the whole Liam vs Tyler vs the world vs the management thing happened and well, let's just say yesterday was a real good time to be alive. 
> 
> But anyway, I hope you enjoy this, regardless. :)
> 
> @soverylouvely on Twitter.
> 
> PS: My opinion on the whole Liam issue is that I think Liam should apologize even if he never meant any offence, as a gesture of goodwill if anything and I still don't like Tyler not just because he assumed things too quickly but because of his general hypocrisy and such. 
> 
> And I do love Harry, even if his life choices make me want to strangle him. Affectionately.


End file.
